God is always faithful.

I thought it is early why am I up, and then I looked at my sleeping family and thought hey I could blog! I'm diggin it!

Yesterday my husband and baby and I went to breakfast at Corner Cafe. Our plan was to grab some breakfast, go to Wal Mart and then Whole Foods and be done. Our dad didn't go in that direction. At breakfast everyone ooh and aah at Rylee, she is really cute, and happened to be very content. I believe she is a people watcher like her folks. I indulged and ordered the breakfast I used to eat all the time and all day regretted it. Lets just say I only wanted to taste the bacon once... We were on the way to Wal Mart, but for some reason our A/C wasn't working! Great! All the sudden, and we have to shop because there is literally nothing at home to eat.

Freon charge was the first thing I thought, and then started to think we would have to go to a shop for this. I called my dad and he said find someone you trust. I called Metcalf Auto who we lease the car from and they said sure come on in we will do it for you free of charge! This is where I began to understand that God was leading us.

Kris has been trying to get us into a newer car for months. We have spent his days off, a number of times, at dealerships. With rejection after rejection I began to cringe at the idea of going to any dealership whenever he brought it up. I know our wagon was about to give out, it had been over heating and needed breaks, these things we weren't ready to afford. I had been staying home more often in order to avoid being stranded some where. A little while back Kris was told by Metcalf Auto that if we got our balance down under 3000 they would get us into a newer car. We happened to still owe 2500 or so, and just for the "fun" started to stroll the lot while we waited for A/C to be restored to the wagon. We test drove a car we thought we might want and when we came back to the lot there was a awesome black Jeep Liberty Sport in it's place. We took that out next. 2003 with 113 thousand miles on it for 12.995.

So we are making the same payments each month. They paid off the extra 2500 we owed on the Saturn. They took the crap-ass Saturn, and we drove out of there in a Jeep! I love confirmation too. I get it by listening to the people around me and I believe God has always spoken to me in this way. One of the guys said we were really lucky because they don't normally have newer than 2000 on the lot and also never a jeep. I know there were other things that gave me peace, I'm sure I will think of them later! For now, I just keep looking out my window and seeing the jeep in the drive way. Thank you Lord for providing us a vehicle. Please do the same for my little brother and sister. AMEN  

Writing when I'm tired

The title was a forewarning. My little family is asleep so, I saw the opportunity to get in here and just write. I played with the idea of putting my blogs in a "box". You know, just write something from a picture I took. However, I am digging the idea of talking about things I may be able to add pictures to after. I don't know, call it eclectic or extreme abstrationism. This is how my art teachers described me in college.. What does it all mean? I must be different, or at the very least, how I express myself creatively is very different.

Last night we were cooking chicken and my husband wanted to pour salsa over it, then asked if I had any suggestions. I remembered an Indian style cooking show I recently watched with some great spice combos. I took over. I felt excited to experiment. I added Turmeric, Cinnamon, Thyme, Mint, Cumin, and salt/pepper. I added a little oil and lemon juice (just a sprinkle) and cooked it till the chicken was done and chunked it into smaller pieces. We have been getting more and more creative with our chicken, because I enjoy new things, variety, and we eat a lot of chicken now. I wish I liked fish... Any who, I also made brown rice with peas in it. I added a little Worcestershire sauce, Karo syrup, and Dijon mustard to it. I know it sounds gross but I saw the combo on a barbecue show to make BBQ sauce. Then I put it all in the same pan and fried it together.  It turned out great, and my husband ended up finishing mine.

Didn't think I'd be typing a cooking lesson, but there I go again, got to teach someone something!

I have been thinking a bit about friendship lately. Some say that a real friend is someone who will take the time to sit with you and listen. I think I have a hard time opening up because when I do, I get bombarded by suggestions and then I get all defensive like "I know what I'm doing". Even though I don't. I would be more apt, I think, to take suggestions if someone would listen first... Just a thought. I am glad that I can turn to Jesus. He always listens. I feel the need though for a close fellowship with another believer.(other than my mom and husband of course. Does that make me sound spoiled?) I have been praying for it and I know He is preparing someone to be able to handle me! A friend, which I think He may be resurrecting from my past. I just have to hang in and trust that God is leading me in the right direction.

I better get some more sleep.

More Later

I have to make it a habit!

It is a need, I have said it before! I'm always writing in my mind, and I used to keep three journals at one time. A prayer journal, a daily journal, and a journal of letters I am writing to Rylee. I haven't even pulled them out since I moved here at the beginning of April.

The days are eking away, I am thinking about how Rylee is almost 10 months. Sitting here sipping my very strong, black, french roast, I can't wait till she wakes up so I can sing the good morning song. I always ask her if she had dreams, and what she dreamed about. I know one day she will be able to tell me. I take a little comfort in that she cannot at this time. My little baby girl. My sweetie. Sugar face is what I love to call her, because I can't keep my lips from it. I miss her when she sleeps. I think, especially on mornings like this one, that she must be growing, sleeping so long.

I have been feeling overly tired lately. I have also been toying with the thought of getting pregnant again. My body reminds me of what I cannot handle now. I am excited at the thought though, some day.

I also feel like I need to go in so many directions right now. My mom is sharing the last weeks with her mother and I am feeling like I am maybe missing out on something. I want to see my dad every day. I wish I were closer to Kris' family, as they seem like my own, and I feel the empty space of them. I want to be here for my mother, she needs me.... I just don't want to lose any of them. I want to feel like we are all going to be together for all eternity, and I know this is true in my head and in my heart. I just can't shake this longing for them. I am excited for Rylee's birthday, this event will bring those I hold dear close enough to squeeze.

My pastor says it is okay to grieve your youth. Is that what I am doing? I think about getting older and inevitably my folks do to. My mom talks about  her insurance and how she will make the "arrangements". Sigh.....

I want to focus on the excitement of Rylee's first time doing everything. I want to just be thrilled. At times this is exactly how it is. Then, I'm a little solemn. Sad that my dad has not seen where I live yet, and I guess that is feeling sorry for myself. Well, I have plenty of flaws, and I am sure that with time and some pruning I will sprout a beautiful new way of thinking. I am already understanding so much more about Grace.

Did you know that when Christ died for us he over-paid for our sin? See the payment isn't based on the value of our sin, but on God's value of Jesus' life! That is like billions paid for a hundred thousand dollar debt!

Did you know that because of the over-flow of Grace pored out for us through Jesus' death, we are no longer under the law? You cannot be under the law and under Grace! If you know Jesus as your Lord then you are under grace! Ultimately that means that you cannot "do" anything for what He is "freely" giving! You just thank Him for he has abundance for you where ever you need it. Don't ask, thank Him that He is already provided! What a concept.

Check out Joseph Prince Ministries. He is a pastor of a church in Singapore. The congregation is over 20,000. My husband is reading his book Destined to Reign.

Blessings,
More Later

Carol Wimmer Wrote this poem!

Christians

                                                                  

By Carol Wimmer 

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ

That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''

I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does... But beautiful is just plain beautiful!