Fall

The smell of the wet earth,

The chill in the air,

The crunch of the leaves,

Fall is here.

                                 

 Burnt Orange and Brown,

Pumpkins and Scarecrows,

Hot apple cider,

Whip cream on my nose.

 Memories of cold rain,

 One candy filled night,

Excitement and wonder,

It just feels right.

Anticipating carols and lights,

Of snow and snowmen,

The time is coming,

When we celebrate Him.

I love this time of year,

It means Thanksgiving,

Laughter, family, food,

Loving and living.

Original Poem by: Missy Kolander

Illustration by: Missy Kolander

Photo: unknown

Sanctus Real - Lead Me (Slideshow With Lyrics)

Just purging the battle

It seems to get harder. I think that if we dream of a different opportunity then it overcomes our reality. We long for it in such a way that today is a little gloomier not having reached that goal. I have considered myself a pretty positive person, generally cheery, even through bouts of post pardon I have seen the silver lining. I just discipline myself to focus on the blessings, to focus on my baby, and then I know that some day things will be better. I am sure that this day is the "better" that I dreamed of in the past. I am sure that my reality is improving. How can I be so sure and still feel so upset? I miss you.
God has blessed us with the job you have so I can stay with Rylee, so I am thankful and yet, isn't there a different job, another way for us to be together more? I am in a battle with myself. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by feeling this way. Like I need to be a strong front and be here missing you but not showing it. Then you don't feel bad for having to spend such long hours away from us. I know my intention isn't to make you feel bad. I am so in love with you my best friend. We have been able to work and live together before, twice in fact and couldn't have been happier. Now, that we are both following the Lord and have made so many life style changes, now is the time.. Well, not God's timing. I ultimately want His will and timing. I know if we force the changes it won't be as sweet as if He managed it. I always tell others just wait on the Lord. He is moving the people and situations to create the perfect position for you. Well, I am doing that. I am actively searching for a solution. Online jobs, etc...
 I am so glad for the long vacation you were able to take. It felt so right for us to be together so much. What a lovely time we had. Of course, it was a paid vacation. So, in reality there couldn't be a place on this earth in this life like that. No work and all loving time spent with family. But I do know there is a place here in this life where you can make the money you do, (it will never be enough to keep you from us 12-13 hours a day) and you can work less and still provide for us to all be together.
Maybe we aren't smart enough to know where to look. Maybe we aren't risky enough to go after a dream. Maybe our credit is just too bad at this stage to really do anything big, like get a loan and start a business. Who knows, could just be our humanness that drives us to always higher heights. Then again maybe it is the God in us that pushes us to excel. I like to think we are created in His image and that is the unseen force that creates a desire in us for perfection.

I will just choose to Thank God for all He has done in us and to accept where we are in this season. I will ask for His wisdom and strength, knowing that if I can keep my eyes on Him all things will be as He intends. That not only is good-enough for me it is sufficient for my heart to be content. I have a beautiful, loving husband who is seeking God. I have a healthy, happy 1yr old.

I just had another thought and I guess this purge isn't quite over. There are people in my family that I was raised with, and grew to love that have been in tragic accidents lately. This has made me reevaluate my life and what is important to me. I made a huge change in my life's direction and really put both feet on the narrow path, yet haven't recovered these relationships yet. When I walked away from the Lord, ran more like, I left behind those dear. Of course at the time I was being selfish, and chasing after a life that was all about immediate pleasure. Parties, sex, drugs and money, lots of it. Anyway, I long for the time back. I wish for it, although that may be naive. I love my siblings, but now I feel like an only child. I feel closer to my husbands siblings. I want it all. I want my family restored and my husband to work from home, or both of us to for that matter. I want my sister to be healed, my sister in law too, and for my father in law to be in a better way financially. I am praying for all these things. I thank God that He is in control and that He is making these things happen. I am thanking God for the restoration of my relationship with my step-mom, and that my biological mom is following Him. Well, I think that is about it. Gotta get to the baby!

Blessings and I know all will be right when the trumpet sounds...

Dream Weaver

I believe that dreams can tell a lot about a person. I have tried to get into the dream interpretation books, but there was always something in them that turned me off. Recently I saw a program on a christian station and a real life, now a days prophet, Bryan Carroway, was talking about dream interpretations and prophesy. The Living Bible talks about interpretation of dreams all through. A couple examples are Gideon in Judges chapter 7, and Daniel interpreting for King Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel chapter 2 and Joseph interpreting the Pharaoh's dreams in Genesis and so on, there are over 25 different dream references. The Holy Spirit uses this modern day man, Bryan Carroway to interpret dreams too, how cool is that? Now I don't know If I completely understand it all, I just know I have a better feeling about it coming from a man who is after the heart of God than some super spiritual new wave thinking.

I also come from a native American ancestry which sometimes it is appealing to research what my ancestors thought about dreams and in some cases it can be very interesting, however I am an all-in kind of gal and I can't get all into it either.

I had a dream last night and I woke up from it with this emotional over load, like I do whenever I have a similar dream. I wanted to write about it because I believe God has given me incite into it and for the first time I considered the environment I was in. Okay so now to what I was dreaming and what I thought about it after some reflection.

The reoccurring theme is that my husband Kris is doing something with a much younger woman. This time he was kissing her and when I reacted, since I am always right there in the room. It is ridiculous, and then he responds with this I don't give a crap about you attitude and it is his way of "breaking up" with me. Do these things seem juvenile? That's because they are. This dream didn't indicate that we were married or had a child, instead it felt like the break ups and pain of high school or college even. I realized that in the dream we had gone to college classes and were in social situations that pointed to a time 10+ years ago. So, here is my great insight. I think God is showing me that my emotional level is about college maturity when it comes to my relationship with my husband. I remember some really immature situations in these similar dreams and when I would wake up and cry "because it was so real" I would tell my husband and he almost chuckled because it is so high school or close to that mentality. If this doesn't make since, that's okay. I know that God wanted me to write about it so someone is supposed to relate. I also can see that it is an area that needs maturing. I don't mind telling you that I still feel a little insecure at times and I notice if a lady turns my husbands head and he tries so hard not to gawk but I still find myself trying to compare. I know I can rely on God for this, because I have come this far. A lot of times if you are abused growing up, mentally, emotionally and verbally, in the home or in your romantic relationships, you have an underdeveloped emotional and mental awareness when it comes to your relationships. I have always said the wrong thing at the wrong time and I am so thankful to know that I have more to learn so that I don't have to think I should have it all figured out by now! Whew... Blessings in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Click on the link below to hear Dream weaver live.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5wLukxxHgE